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12:21am
It's raining and the sound of droplets hitting the window reminds me of a car wash.

When my sister and I would clamor for my mother to choose the multi colored soap.

I do have to say, the rain is much gentler than the water sprayed at the mini van.
The mini van was a green big Nissan. A family car, the kind that could comfortably fit car seats.

It's surprising how fast memories begin to fade. I'm not exactly sure if it had 7 seats or 6.

I remember getting my hand slammed on by a door, and throwing up egg tarts.
And one time, I was going to bring a book but my sister said it was too complicated for me with all the characters and names (warriors anyone?) And I listened because she sounded so serious.

I don't recall what happened to that car. Was it sold? Was there an accident and it just cost way too much to fix? I remember the hood blowing white smoke one time because I had asked my mom to turn on the air conditioning.

I don't miss that car, but I think I miss the hustle and bustle associated with that car. Going to school and Chinese school in that car. (Although before that, there was a Black car. But my dad sold that one.)

But later in middle school, I switched over to taking the bus home, but she still drove me to school every morning.

Because mom got a full time job, because she wasn't going to just be the housewife anymore, and I guess dad got mad because she had slowly changed. (It was much more complicated than that,  but I don't need to go into detail) And now they don't talk anymore.

(You wouldn't believe how many times I used my birthday wishes for them to get back together)

Maybe that's why I don't really particularly like to go home right now. Or I don't feel like associating home with a house that's still filled with echoes of tension. (It isnt painful to go back, it just isn't exactly a happy place for everyone that still lives in it.) I don't think they're angry anymore, maybe they're just too different now and talking wouldn't do anything. Or it just brings up bad memories.  

But now she's trying to move out after having stayed until I graduated high school.

She stayed for me, and I don't think I've ever shown her I am grateful she tried to make it work. (Even if it meant she wasn't happy)

She's still here thank goodness. I won't let one of the regrets in my life be that I won't really talk to her again. I can't do that to her or to myself.

Mommy, never doubt that I'm thankful and I love you.

12:54am
Well crap, I'm crying now.

p.s. It's not that I grew up without a mom, but I spent 6 or 7 years not treating her like a mom. (I regret that, and I'm sorry)

p.p.s. I thought it wouldn't hurt anymore. It still does, just in a different way.
Wrestling with the Rabbit Hole of Regret
This was my entire thought process a couple weeks ago. It's very stream of consciousness so I'm unsure if it actually flows or not. 
I spontaneously wanted to post this on Mother's Day for obvious reasons, and I've actually just emailed my mother! Hopefully everything goes well.
Honestly I'm pretty sure this small piece is a product of being at college and it's a part of the self reflection that kind of ensued from being away from home. I don't think it's a terrible thing, it's more like a reality check, but I think I have something planned for that later. 

I really should post more....finals will be over in a week so hopefully I post more afterwards and in the summer. 

Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's out there! Heart 
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The Settlement was what it was called. No one called it home. It was just a place. The surroundings of the institution weren’t all that interesting to look at. It was simply a boring building in the middle of nowhere. The security and the wire topped gate just made it a bit more ominous looking than usual.

But the inside was different. It was a cross between a hospital and a prison. There was nothing but white everywhere. White lab coats, white walls, even the children were dressed in white garments as well. The only varying colors came from hair or eyes, and the bland colors of steel and plastic. It usually smelled like cleaning products, sharp and sterile. Sometimes it simply smelled as bland as the food that was served in the cafeteria.  

The sun hung low in the sky and emitted a golden ray that cut through your window. It had been your last wish to request a room with a window, and the doctors had only granted it if there was an addition of another camera in the room. It wasn’t as if you could stop them anyway.

You highly doubted anyone could escape through the window since there was a bunch of high tech locks and sensors on it. It was a bit silly really, but you wanted to see grass instead of blank white tiles one last time.

The doctors had given up on you when your demise became apparent. Resources could not be wasted. Time was quite literally money.

You had been one of the few children to have what could be considered a lasting war with your body as it slowly but surely gave out on you. The migraines barely let up now, and you could only close your eyes as your body went rigid and your head felt as if if someone had inserted a sharp, long needle into your head and jostled it around.

You automatically tightened your grip on 5’s hand and sucked in a small breath.

“Don’t hold your breath.” the violet eyed four year old said. You obediently let out a slow exhale while maintaining a vice like grip on her hand. 5 never complained, and merely looked out the window if it became too uncomfortable.

There were two other children in the room. 9 is quietly piecing together one of the more advanced blank puzzles with deliberate slowness. Earlier you had asked him why he was completing it so slowly when he could obviously have finished it already. He wasn’t known as the “golden child” of the Settlement for nothing. 9 hadn’t answered and merely fixed you with an icy gaze and gone back to his puzzle. You mentally noted that his gaze would be even more effective if he had glasses like some of the doctors at the institution.

If 9 was in the room, then 12 was definitely with him.

12 was currently alternating between bounding around the room and making faces at the cameras. His antics made you smile and gave you a small relief from the unrelenting assault of headaches you were experiencing.

It wasn’t often that the children at the Settlement were given such freedom. Maybe it was because so many children had perished in the past few days, so the researchers had decided to let up on the experiments for a while.

It didn’t really matter what their reasoning was; all that mattered was that no one was having another suspicious cocktail of chemicals being injected into them.  

The silence was stifling to say the least. No one likes the feeling of waiting to die, least of all with an audience.

It wouldn’t be long before they left you for the final time. It was time to say goodbye.

5 immediately took her place on your left, while 9 and 12 stopped on your right.

“Thank you… for being here with me.” you said in between pauses. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate on what you wanted to say.

“5, you’re my best friend and…I think you can prove to all of us…that 9 will be beaten one day.” you managed to joke.

5 barely managed to smile before quickly making her exit out of the room.

You turned to smirk at the little brown haired boy, and he flashed a grin at you in return.

“12, look out for 9. He might…be older, but even he needs taking care of.”

12 walks out as well.

“Stop trying so hard to smile.” 9 blurts out icily.

“Can you blame me for trying?”

“I’d rather remember you as you really are, not as a stranger.”

You smiled bitterly and looked away as your hands twisted the sheets.

“9...look out for 5.” you sputtered out.

“That isn’t all that’s on your mind.” he said. You could feel the glare he was giving you. Silently egging you on to release the torrent of emotion you had left.

“My own body has betrayed me, and now my mind has to. I still hope for freedom. I burn for revenge. I’m scared of dying, and furious that…they’ve done this.”

You had suddenly started crying in the middle of your outburst, and buried your head in your hands.

Overwhelmed with everything that had happened in your short life, you realized your emotions had flared stronger than any pain you had ever felt before. Physical pain never held a candle to the fierce declarations you had uttered.

You quieted as 9 reached over and ruffled your hair. In return you met his gaze and smiled genuinely.

There was no need for words anymore. This life that had been given to you may not have been fair, but there was still hope. Hope in the living.

Suddenly the pain started to lessen as the world blurred before your eyes.

You faintly heard 9’s soft murmur in your ear, and the curve of one of his pinky’s gently curved around one of yours.

“4, I promise you. The world will know us, and they will remember us.”
to keep a promise (Ninexreader oneshot)

I started this quite a while back. I know the characters are all supposed to be children and by extension, talk like children but I took some liberties since they're all made "smarter" through experiments.

Zankyou No Terror/Terror in Resonance had a great first half that unfortunately didn't finish as strongly.

Reader's number name is 4 because it's the difference between 5 and 9, and I wanted to hint at that added connection.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this piece to be honest, and I'm not really sure I achieved what I wanted to achieve.

að halda loforð was going to be the title but dA doesn't allow special characters (it means "to keep a promise" in icelandic)

Zankyou no Terror and its characters do not belong to me.

Preview image from this page

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I was tagged by the awesomesauce bookerror 

Not posting the rules because I'm a rebel haha (not really, I just don't want to tag ppl)

sooo 13 things...

1. I absolutely adore sushi and will always be down to grab some whenever.
2. I'm an LOTR nerd and I love reading.
3. My favorite book at the moment is The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. 
4. I'm still a semi noob to anime/manga but my first anime crush was this dude: DeathNote: L by Akai-01 (L from DeathNote)
5. I'm quite the introvert (but I'm trying to work on that)
6. I love watching movies!
7. I've only ever had pet fish (I want both a dog and a cat)
8. I love to swim! and the beach of one of my favorite places. btw swimming in the rain is cool too
9. I am still trying and failing to upload consistently on dA, plus college is coming up so idk what I'll do then.
10. Summer has always been my fav season because no school. 
11. I like watching gaming walkthroughs on YouTube because I will probably never take the time to play the games myself. The recent ones I can think of at the top of my head are Bioshock: Infinite, COD: Advanced Warfare, Batman: Arkham Knight, etc.) There's too many to name!
12. Outside of the U.S., I've only ever been to Taiwan. I really want to travel the world.
13. Deviantart has introduced me to a lot of anime and I usually am familiar with the current popular trends just because of fics. 


My answers to bookerror 's questions:

1. What is your most favorite book ever?
    Weird, I already answered this question haha. The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

2. Who is your favorite writer/artist on deviantart? I'm looking for more people to follow hehe 
    I have way too many == yuumei Greystream TheNobodyofaSOLDIER AndytheLemon viria13 (she's more active on tumblr and twitter) AMereAberration AshATurner davidkawena Danchogami EternaLegend kanapy-art LegendofFullmetal Kuvshinov-Ilya PascalCampion Picolo-kun ravingglory ROSEL-D Rosuuri StressedJenny sakimichan SavageScribe scribblingfairytale sharkie19 Telemaniakk the-elemental-writer theDURRRRIAN ciiren UnluckyAmulet vengefulamber Virus-AC Vizkopa Zephyrhant 
I'm pretty sure I went overboard (sorry not sorry)

3. You get to bring one pokemon into the real world, who and why?
   
I'm not a pokemon kid so apologies. Ponyta because I used to be obsessed with horses.

4. You're in a zombie apocalypse, what is your main weapon?
   
You didn't specify if non real world weapons didn't count so I'm going with Tsubaki from Soul Eater. She has more than one weapon form. 

5. What superpower you absolutely love to have?
   
Transformation. Meaning I could be anything from a bird to....a tree?

6. What phobia do you have?
   
I fear heights (but I kinda love the adrenaline rush at the same time?) also holes

7. You get to have a dinner with your choice of 5 people (fictional, real, dead, alive, etc...) who and why?
   
Hannibal (the Anthony Hopkins version) He would probably scare the bejeezus about of me but who cares. 
    Sherlock Holmes. He might be rude but I hope he would find Hannibal fascinating.
    Stephen Hawking. I would probably learn something new at the very least.
    Agatha Christie. Mystery books are my favorite, and maybe she could tell me a story.
    Marzia Bisognin/cutiepiemarzia because I love her fashion and she loves horror too. (plus she might bring pewdiepie along heh)

8. Favorite Disney character?
   
Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet because who doesn't want to be a rebel like him. He's way too cool a kid. 

9. Free 1 week trip to anywhere in the world, where would you go?
   
New Zealand because of LOTR and the scenery is beautiful. 

10. What is your favorite time period and why?
     
Roaring 20s because of the glitz, the glamour, the Lost Generation, Jazz, and Prohibition era. I'd probably be killed but at least I'd have fun first.

11. If you could become another person, who would you be and why?
   
  I'd be Ed Sheeran because he seems to have a genuinely good time wherever he goes. Plus I'd have amazeball guitar skills and be able to harmonize. 

12. What's the funniest thing that happened to you as a kid?
     
This is more embarrassing but I farted in second grade during someone's show and tell presentation. I forgot if I said excuse me or not. Everyone was looking at me...and I think I had this awkward stare moment with the teacher. 

13. Share the best piece of wisdom/advice that anyone has ever given you.
      This one is super hard..urghhhh. 

      "Make use of the fact that you don't doubt yourself too much right now. As we get older, we get more realistic and that includes about our own abilities or lack thereof. That realism does us no favors. Fear protects us in many ways, but what has served me is diving into my own obliviousness. Being more confident than I should be ... trying things that you never would have tried. Your inexperience is an asset in that it will make you think in original, unconventional ways. Accept your lack of knowledge and use it as your asset." - Natalie Portman (from her Harvard Commencement speech)



 
  • Watching: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

deviantID

olive1736
Olivia Fang
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
in college and still trying to figure out what to do....yep I know
friends call me Olive
procrasinator
daydreams way to much
Interests

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:iconmarghe-chan:
Marghe-chan Featured By Owner May 2, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you so much for the :+fav:! :aww:
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:iconnorapotwora:
norapotwora Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2016   General Artist
Thanks for the watch!
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:iconypplejax:
YppleJax Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the favorite on Extremely Advanced Potion-Making! :)
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:iconwolfen1991:
Wolfen1991 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2016  Student Digital Artist
Sketch30012165 by Wolfen1991  
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:iconsavagescribe:
SavageScribe Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2016  Professional Filmographer
Well, a quick plug for the show. I thank you.
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:iconolive1736:
olive1736 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2016  Student General Artist
You're welcome! 
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:iconsavagescribe:
SavageScribe Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2015  Professional Filmographer
And of course, a Merry Christmas to you.
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:iconolive1736:
olive1736 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2015  Student General Artist
Thank you! I hope yours was great as well! Happy Holidays!
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:iconsavagescribe:
SavageScribe Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2015  Professional Filmographer
So, how's things been with you, eh?
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:iconolive1736:
olive1736 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2015  Student General Artist
I've been pretty busy but I'll soon have a lot more free time. I'll definitely be catching up on some things on dA. Thanks for checking up! 
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